Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
