we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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