i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
