If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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