I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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