I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
