i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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