What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
