Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
