Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
