Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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