tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
