I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
