I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
