nut hugger
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
