I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
