My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
