i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
