we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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