Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
