he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
