I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He felt like a one man threesome
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
