There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
