I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
