Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
