I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
