U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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