he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
