If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
