oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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