oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
