i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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