Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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