dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
