We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
