So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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