you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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