My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
