im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
