U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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