apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
