and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
