he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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