I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
