you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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