Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
