We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
