Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
