He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
