I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
